Various marks can be present on a baby’s skin from birth, and most of these will fade with time. Certain types of birthmarks which do not disappear can now be lightened using specialised laser techniques when the child grows older. Your doctor will be able to give you specific advice.

Salmon patches (stork bites)

These are pale pink, flat marks which are seen at birth over the baby’s forehead, on the bridge of the nose, on the eyelids, or on the back of the neck. They are very common and most will fade completely with time, leaving no marks after a year or two. Salmon patches on the nape of the neck take a little longer to fade, and sometimes remain throughout adult life.

Strawberry haemangiomas

These are caused by dilated blood vessels, and are usually small at birth. As the baby grows they may start to enlarge, and take on a raised, lumpy appearance. After a year these marks will start to shrink and most will disappear by the time the child is 10 years old.

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“Alone? What are you suggesting? That we old people touch

ourselves? That’s sick.”

It isn’t sick and it has nothing to do with mental or physical illness. You might—and many people do—think that it is wrong to masturbate, to stimulate yourself sexually. If you feel it is wrong, then it would not be something enjoyable, and doing things which are not enjoyable is not good for your overall health. But let’s not stop being honest here. The older you get, the less easy it may be to find partners to hold, to kiss, to cuddle, to have sex with if you want. One important option is to maintain sexual self-stimulation if you want to. It is something that people do, children and babies do. It is part of sexual living.

    ”I just can’t see having intercourse at my age.”

Who said anything about having intercourse? That, too, is an option. We should not just equate sex with intercourse. Touching, holding hands, being close, kissing are important sexual behaviors. All life is a cycle. Our teenagers should learn that all sex is not intercourse. They should be able to touch, to hold, and so should you if you want to. I’m just talking about your rights, not a list of sex assignments.

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    The Misunderstood

If I say faster, he goes so fast it burns. If I say slower, it’s like no movement at all. If I say stop, he keeps going too long or stops too fast. If I say go, he goes wrong. I don’t know. I’m just too fussy I guess.

WIFE

This is the wife who seldom feels understood in her expressions of sexual need. If she wants to be touched faster, she ends up being touched slower. If she wants soft, she gets hard. She feels that “if he really loved me he would know what to do” instead of “if I really love him I will teach and teach until he learns.” It sometimes surprised me how patient couples would be with their children and how impatient they would be with each other. All learning takes time, and sexual learning takes about seventy-five years. Even then, you are just beginning.

The Target

I feel like one of those blow-up dolls. He moves me around like a pillow, does it to me. Next time he wants to do it doggy style, I’ll just bark. Maybe I’ll sit up and beg. Maybe that will please him.

WIFE

This is the wife who feels that her husband’s pelvic thrusts are “aimed” at her rather than “shared” with her. Wives in this category reported being trapped under their husbands, propped up on top of them, or “attacked” from behind. They did not feel that intercourse was a dance, but more of a sparring match with her being the sparring partner. There was little sense of identity, even in the limited sense of “The Piece” who felt she was just “any woman.” “The Target” feels a loss of personhood.

The Caretaker

I’m the dorm mother—three kids, one husband, two dogs, one gerbil. I like the gerbil best. He puts out less crap than all the rest put together, literally.

WIFE

This wife has abandoned her sexual role and identity in favor of providing what she perceives to be “the rest” of her husband’s needs. She picks up after him, cleans for him, takes his messages, and sees to it that he enjoys his life. She may attempt to provide him with sex as just another of his daily living needs, but primarily she has infantilized her husband to such an extent that she feels she is parenting an adult child.

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I help my couples calculate a percentage so they can see what could be compared to what actually is. Watch out for the argument that “it is not how much time but quality time that counts.” That argument has never been a valid one, either in raising a marriage or in raising children. Both quality and quantity are required to nurture a marriage to super marital sex.

Divide your total MIMs by the 1,800 weekly available MIMs. For example, if you estimated a total of 180 MIMs for your marriage, after subtraction of the TV penalty factor, you would divide the 180 minutes by 1,800 for a “Marital Investment Quotient” of Þ percent. By the way, if you were near 10 percent, congratulations! The average MIQ of my thousand couples was less than 1 percent!

Actually, only 732 couples provided data for their MIMs, because I did not start using this test until some months into the program. Now that I have used this test with more than 5,000 couples in the clinic, the average is still less than 1 percent.

How do you and your partner compare? Take a look at each item of the test, including the penalty factor for TV, and discuss where MIMs are lost or gained. Does your investment of time reflect your priority for this marriage, or some out-of-control obligatory life-style robbing your marriage of its potential intimacy?

One last point about MIMs. There were thirty-five couples seen in the clinic program who were having affairs with one another. That is, they came to the clinic and, while married to someone else, wanted help with a sexual problem they were having in their affair. While there are several issues to examine in such cases, it is interesting to note that the average Affair Investment Quotient was 83 percent, based on the average available time of 120 minutes together per week. When these people were together, they were together! Being together was their whole purpose. One percent vs. 83 percent. And we wonder why extramarital sex (Type I) is so popular? Of course, I am using these numbers in exaggerated fashion and the mathematics are far from statistically valid. The point is clear, however, that time put in to the American marriage may be far less than needed for fulfilling intimacy.

Bonus: You deserve credit for purchasing this book and reading this far. Add into your calculations any minutes you are spending discussing with your spouse the issues raised. Did your spouse respond when you called to discuss the couple given the second chance? Add that time in, too. Minutes spent in therapy for your marriage do not count as bonus time, but any time spent implementing the suggestions or ideas coming from your therapy sessions give you extra bonus minutes.

You will have to make choices, not just lists. You will have to choose intimacy and super marital sex, because our society places marital time at the bottom of our priority list. You will never find the time. You must make it.

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Calcium is the mainstay of treatment but, used alone, it only slows the rate of bone resorption.

One way of improving its effect is to combine calcium with fluoride in large doses and this treatment seems to lead to active bone replacement.

The calcium and fluoride can be given by mouth and injections are not necessary.

One way of determining the extent of the thinning and also of measuring the response to treatment, is to X-ray the head of the femur and to note the crossing lines of bone known as trabeculae. These decrease in number as the bone thins.

The degree of osteoporosis can be measured by taking X-rays of the bones.

Osteomalacia is a similar disorder of bone, where the protein matrix is laid down as normal but there is a reduction in the deposition of calcium salts.

This leads to softening of the bone, so that it may bend and show deformities.

Osteomalacia is the adult form of rickets.

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Colds and, indeed, most respiratory infections are highly contagious, spreading easily from person to person.

The incubation period is short, from one to three days. The symptoms are so well known as hardly to need describing, but for those few readers who are fortunate enough to escape colds I will outline the most important ones:

A slight fever, mild headache and aches and pains are associated with a blocked or runny nose.

The throat becomes thick or ’scratchy’.

Initially the discharge from the nose is clear, but then becomes thickened with pus due to a secondary bacterial infection.

The infection may spread to the sinuses or to the middle-ear.

It may spread down to the lower respiratory tract and involve the trachea or windpipe and the bronchial tubes.

Despite the marvels of modern medicine, the only effective treatment for a cold is the same advice your grandmother may offer.

Go to bed for a day or two, keep warm, have a hot lemon drink and a couple of aspirin or paracetamol. Whisky or rum is an optional extra, and although I don’t believe in alcohol’s medicinal benefit, it might make you feel better in your misery.

A cough suppressant is helpful at night if coughing keeps you or others awake.

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These are frightening to parents when they first experience it.

They may happen at any time from about six months to four years. They tend to develop as a result of frustration or anger in the child or they may follow a period of denial by the parent, or a fall or when the child can’t get his own way with other children.

In an attack the child breathes right out. Then comes a period when he doesn’t breathe at all. During this period his face may become congested and take on the bluish red tinge of cyanosis. Twitching of the muscles may occur and then he usually loses consciousness. There could be loss of control of the bladder at this time.

After loss of consciousness, the child starts to breathe again and quickly returns to normal. At that stage the parents are left in great panic.

Treatment consists mainly in counselling the parents, who must understand that this is an attention seeking device and that the way to overcome it is to ignore the child.

It is, of course, not easy to tell parents to walk away from the child when he is going blue in the face and losing consciousness.

Children usually grow out of this habit, but by this time a poor parent-child relationship may have developed with the child able to manipulate his parents.

The parents need counselling so that they can fulfil properly the emotional needs of the child and help him overcome his anxiety.

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Signs and symptoms

The symptoms of bacterial pneumonia include a mild upper respiratory tract infection, followed by the sudden onset of high fever (40.6°C), chills, cough, rapid breathing, and sometimes pain on either or both sides of the chest. In infants the respiratory distress may cause flaring of the nostrils, retractions (pulling in) of the soft spaces of the chest, and grunting sounds when the child breathes out.

The onset of viral pneumonia is gradual, creating symptoms of headache, fatigue, fever of variable degrees (37.8°C-40.6°C), a sore throat, and a severe, dry cough.

The diagnosis requires careful examination of the chest, X rays, a complete blood count, and sometimes cultures of the blood and, in older children, the sputum (the coughed-up discharge).

Home care

Many cases of viral pneumonia are mild and are not recognized as pneumonia at all. You may assume that the child has a cold and give cold remedies. The pneumonia then clears up on its own after ten to 14 days.

If signs of respiratory distress as listed above are present, the child should be seen by a doctor.

Precautions

• Sudden worsening of a cold accompanied by high fever, cough, chills, chest pain, or rapid breathing suggests pneumonia.

• In infants, flaring of the nostrils, pulling in of the chest, and grunting breathing are serious symptoms and require immediate medical care.

• In children, sputum tinged with blood may or may not be serious, but it indicates the need for a doctor’s attention.

Medical treatment

Your doctor will diagnose pneumonia by means of a physical examination and laboratory tests. In the past a child with pneumonia was always hospitalized. Now, only the youngest and the most severely ill are hospitalized.

Most pneumonias respond to antibiotics. A patient with pneumococcal pneumonia will recover rapidly once antibiotics are begun. Another, with a streptococcal or staphylococcal infection, may require in-hospital administration of the antibiotics. Mycoplasma pneumonia responds to some antibiotics, but viral pneumonias do not. For viral pneumonias, your doctor will recommend rest, plenty of fluids, and time for the condition to run its course.

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•     Noise can be a real nuisance, especially on busy roads, and electroencephalograms done on people asleep in such situations show that they are registering the noise even though they are asleep. (Some people, used to the noise of a city become insomniacs when they move to the peace of the country-they ‘can’t stand the silence’.) If you are super-sensitive to noise ear plugs are an answer, and if light rooms are a problem you can buy a mask or an eye-shade.

•     Depression must first be recognized and then treated to prevent this common cause of sleep loss.

•     Watch out for foods and drinks that give you nightmares or simply disturbed sleep.

•     Although millions of people sleep perfectly well without ever having sex there is little doubt that intercourse and/or masturbation help the average person to drop off. Unsatisfactory sex on the other hand can prevent sleep. This is especially true in women who are left unsatisfied by their partners. Such a woman can always masturbate if she is left ‘high and dry’. If she can’t masturbate, for whatever reason, she may well be able to sleep better if she doesn’t have sex.

Sex is part of a pre-sleep ritual for many. Most of us use some form of pre-sleep ritual, often without even realizing it. At roughly the same time each night we turn off the TV, put down our book or newspaper, make a hot drink, have a bath or shower, cuddle our partner, perhaps make love, and then go to sleep. Some people listen to music in bed, others pray-it doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s a relaxing, predictable and unwinding process that prepares us for sleep. The best schedules are regular without being rigid.

•     Stop worrying. If we have effective sleep rituals, the worries of the day slip away and we don’t lie there thinking about them. Sex, or indeed any other activity that absorbs our attention, is a good antidote to worry. But often the worry is best confronted and discussed with your partner, if you have one. Try to think around the problem and then go to sleep at least having made some effort to solve it rather than trying to sleep on an unsolved problem. Serious problems can be solved at night when you are alone and peaceful and able to think. Don’t lie there worrying about not sleeping-work through the problem and see what can be done. Some people find deep breathing or forms of meditation help them let go of their insoluble problems.

Don’t worry about insomnia. No one ever died of it and it will probably have very little effect on your performance. Keep a pad of paper and a pen by your bedside and make notes of what you decide to do to sort out the problem that’s worrying you. Next day go through it rationally and implement whatever you can.

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