The Misunderstood
If I say faster, he goes so fast it burns. If I say slower, it’s like no movement at all. If I say stop, he keeps going too long or stops too fast. If I say go, he goes wrong. I don’t know. I’m just too fussy I guess.
WIFE
This is the wife who seldom feels understood in her expressions of sexual need. If she wants to be touched faster, she ends up being touched slower. If she wants soft, she gets hard. She feels that “if he really loved me he would know what to do” instead of “if I really love him I will teach and teach until he learns.” It sometimes surprised me how patient couples would be with their children and how impatient they would be with each other. All learning takes time, and sexual learning takes about seventy-five years. Even then, you are just beginning.
The Target
I feel like one of those blow-up dolls. He moves me around like a pillow, does it to me. Next time he wants to do it doggy style, I’ll just bark. Maybe I’ll sit up and beg. Maybe that will please him.
This is the wife who feels that her husband’s pelvic thrusts are “aimed” at her rather than “shared” with her. Wives in this category reported being trapped under their husbands, propped up on top of them, or “attacked” from behind. They did not feel that intercourse was a dance, but more of a sparring match with her being the sparring partner. There was little sense of identity, even in the limited sense of “The Piece” who felt she was just “any woman.” “The Target” feels a loss of personhood.
The Caretaker
I’m the dorm mother—three kids, one husband, two dogs, one gerbil. I like the gerbil best. He puts out less crap than all the rest put together, literally.
WIFE
This wife has abandoned her sexual role and identity in favor of providing what she perceives to be “the rest” of her husband’s needs. She picks up after him, cleans for him, takes his messages, and sees to it that he enjoys his life. She may attempt to provide him with sex as just another of his daily living needs, but primarily she has infantilized her husband to such an extent that she feels she is parenting an adult child.
*155\97\8*
